Beyond Prison Walls Series: Part I

Part I: God’s Timing is Always Perfect

 

My eager anticipation grew as the barbed wire fence strategically placed on top of the metal fence which surrounded concrete walls, came into view. Lookout points for observation purposes elevated the intimidation factor, but let’s be honest, state penitentiaries are not designed to give off a welcoming vibe. 

As I turned off the main highway and onto the semi-secluded road that led to the visitor’s entrance, I found myself reflecting on my son’s transport to this place. Mason had just turned 19 years old and the journey from his hometown to this prison was the last time he saw life beyond prison walls. Sometimes the reality of it all stings, but the pain of the sting doesn’t last as long as it once did. A reprieve that came through God’s healing of my broken heart. 

With the parking lot in view, my focus quickly shifted from thoughts of what was, to wonders of what the day ahead of me held. I pulled into a parking space, prepared to cross the threshold of a confined world and offered a prayer of gratitude for God’s ability to make all things new, even between prison walls. 

Preparing My Heart

I woke up earlier than usual that morning to enjoy a small cup of coffee while I read my Bible. It was important that I sit quietly with God before making the short drive from my hotel room to the state penitentiary. Allowing God’s Word to settle in my heart and praying over the day that lay ahead is a daily discipline that keeps my heart in alignment with God’s.

When my anxiety is heightened, Psalm 23 – specifically verses two and three – are my go to words of comfort. They remind us that our Lord leads us beside quiet waters and refreshes our soul. When I pray this Scripture, I imagine sitting with Jesus next to a quiet stream, or walking alongside Him on a path with water flowing beside it. Whether sitting or walking, my Father’s presence alone calms my unsettled spirit, filling me with His peace. 

That particular morning God also led me to Psalm 119:105, comforting me with His promise for His Word to be a light for my path and a lamp for my feet. We don’t have to know what is down the path we walk on before we take our first steps because God will lead us and provide us with just enough light to see where we should walk. 

Healing Required

This would be my first in-person visit with Mason since he was transferred from a county jail to a state penitentiary, a little over five years ago. Between his sentencing and his transfer, we were allowed to have one contact visit. That was the last time I hugged my son. Since then, we have communicated through emails, phone calls and video visits. All of which I am grateful for but none have allowed us an opportunity to sit down and spend quality time together…or give each other a hug. I didn’t realize how necessary hugs are until I couldn’t have one. 

You might be wondering why I waited over five years to visit Mason. Well, there are several reasons, but only one was the root of why I had not gone to see him:  my heartache ran deep and my wounds were far too raw for me to emotionally handle seeing my son in person – and God knew that. During my healing journey, God was also tending to Mason’s wounds. There was much work to be done and God needed time to restore our broken pieces before He could bring us together.  

Over the last couple of years there were times a desire to visit Mason would tug at my heart but something would get in the way of an in-person visit. This time was different. When I felt the desire to take the first step, hesitation didn’t follow. God had removed any barriers and I knew in my heart that this visit was all in His timing.

As if this day wasn’t already something special, God affirmed His hand was in it by using music to speak Ecclesiastes 3:11 into my heart. The moment I pulled out of the hotel parking lot and began my 15 minute drive to the prison the song, “You Make Everything Beautiful”, played on cue by the Choir Master. I humbly received His message and blessing.

My Arrival 

Visiting hours were going to begin shortly. I closed my eyes, invited God to join me in my time with Mason and made my way to the entrance where I joined the group of others waiting to visit a resident. The moment I stepped inside the facility with a cold exterior, I was greeted by a warm smile from behind the desk. My heart was at ease already.

Earlier that week I called the prison to confirm its visitation rules. The list is lengthy and for the most part, nothing was really a concern for me…except for one rule. You are allowed only one restroom break (EEK!) Any additional restroom requests would result in an enforced one hour pause from your visit followed by a second round of processing. Translation: It’s best to not drink anything before your visit (hence the SMALL cup of coffee previously mentioned). I told my family about my plan to make it all day without using the restroom. They laughed. Any middle-aged woman who has had babies understands the risk involved with my plan. A plan I humbly left in God’s hands. 

My son is in prison and I’m finding humor in the restroom rules. Some might call that inappropriate…I say it shows healing has taken place. The fact that I can laugh within my undesired circumstances has me rejoicing that God has taken me from feeling hopelessly devastated to hope-filled and able to feel joy again. If we were in a room together I would ask if I could get an Amen! Please, feel free to shout it out anyway– or leave it in the comments below.

At this point I opted for one last restroom break and then stepped in line for processing.

 

Read Part II 

Read Part III